Spending

I have been avoiding my paper by shopping for yarn.  I want to make a cardigan. The pattern says you need a light weight or lace wieght yarn. My LYS isn’t very far but I don’t have a car. I’m going to visit there befoe I buy yarn online.

I have my eye on Aloft from Knitpicks. It looks soft enough to make a beautiful cardigan. I just want to buy a roll to run my fingers over it.

The other yarn I was looking at was Universal Yarn Star Light from Webs. This one is sparkly. The only issue with this yarn is it has a limited amount available.

My biggest hurdle is buying enough yarn to make the cardigan. It would cost $25 or so to buy the Aloft and $30 or so to buy the Universal. It doesn’t seem like a lot to spend but I don’t spend that much on the clothes I buy for myself. It would mean I would have to rationalize spending money on myself to make something I like. It’s really hard to do that when I know how much needs to be done in this house.
 
I start my new job tomorrow. It would be really nice to buy the Aloft because it looks so soft. I think I would really enjoy knitting with it. We’ll see what I decide. Maybe something at the LYS will catch my eye.

Yarn

Yarn makes me happy. This is my small stash. Not sure what it will end up being but I’m sure I’ll figure it out.  I can’t wait until my paychecks in so I can buy that yarn I saw the other day. It’s so pretty. 🙂 I want to make a cardigan out of it.

 

Progress

This blanket has had many false starts. I started with a different pattern. Then I decided I didn’t like it. I picked this pattern. I love this pattern. It’s coming out nicely.

I really wanted to do something bigger than a scarf or a bag. I wanted something that required more time and effort. I got what I wanted. I repeated the same row at least 4 times. I became so frustrated I actually thought about quitting knitting all together. It is an easy pattern and I just couldn’t get it right.

Knitting is a lot like my life. I do not understand why I can’t get my life together. I follow the pattern. I count my steps. Then I end up ripping it all apart and starting over. Except now, just like in knitting, I’m a little frayed. I am tired of starting over. I’m tired of rebuilding what I just built. I’m tired of everything coming unraveled because I missed a step that I was unaware was there.

When I am knitting, I repeatedly look at the pattern. I always see things differently after I have looked at the pattern several times. In my life, everything is the same no matter how many times I inspect my life.  My life is the same. The pattern never changes for my life. It’s always the same.

I have been working on this pattern, in particularly, the first row of the pattern. The first time, I didn’t have enough stitches at the end of the pattern. Then I dropped a stitch. Somehow, I managed to get my lifeline  snagged in my stitches. I had to start over. The funny thing about lifelines is that they don’t work if you don’t use them correctly.

Life doesn’t have lifelines. You screw up that’s it. Be prepared to do a lot of work to fix any mistakes that may come your way. Dropping the ball in life means what ever you have been working for is gone. It doesn’t matter how many tricks you do, nothing will erase the mistake. The only thing that fixes a mistake is hard work and a long memory.

I finally finished the first row. I managed to complete two pattern repeats. Two. I look at what I accomplished so far and I am proud of the result. Knitting, unlike life, is always rewarding. Life kicks you when you are down. It chews you up and spits you. Knitting reminds you that hard work does pay off. It reminds you to keep going, the reward is just around the corner. Life reminds you that before you turn the corner you should duck. : P

Patience

                                  

I had the bright idea to knit a baby blanket for one of my clients. Last night, I spent 3 hours knitting one row. I couldn’t get it right to save my life. I learned how to put a lifeline in. I also learned that some patterns require stitch markers. Your eyes start to go buggy after a few hours of staring at the same thing.

Knitting teaches you patience. We spend most of our lives rushing through to complete our tasks. When you are knitting you cannot rush. If you rush, you make mistakes and have to start again. Knitting requires you to slow down, take a breath, and think about what you are doing. This is a great lesson to apply to our every day lives. Slow down. Take in the moment and digest what you are doing.

I do have hours of homework to do. I have no interest to sit and learn statistics when I can sit still and knit. When I knit my mind clears and I can focus. I can slow down for a quick second and be with my yarn. When I study, I am rushed. I have to learn everything quickly. I’m not really sure I am actually learning anything. School makes my brain foggy and tired. It’s such a contrast to who I want to be.

You Know How to Knit???

This is a common response when I tell people I knit. They usually have a smirk on their face and end with a comment about grandmas knitting.

For me though, I started to ease my anxieties waiting to hear if I was accepted into grad school. It was a distraction at first. It quickly has grown into something much more.

Three years ago, I decided to go to college for Speech Language Pathology. (Another term that caused eye glazing over syndrome.) I worked hard and did the best I could do. In August of last year, I started the process of applying to grad school. I was fine at first. Then shortly after Christmas I started to come undone. Little things started to really cause me to freak out, like a two hour shift at my crappy job. By February, I couldn’t sleep. People were receiving acceptance letters. I didn’t hear anything. Some people were denied. I didn’t hear anything. I spent most of my time unfocused and scared of my impending rejection.

One day, I skipped my math class and went to JoAnne fabrics. I bought knitting needles and yarn. I spent the next 8 hours or so casting on. It was so relaxing. I didn’t think about school. I just counted and counted and counted. The seed was planted.

I received three rejection letters in late April. I knitted my way through the sadness of losing my dream. I spent my time counting and wrapping and looking at endless patterns on Ravelry.

Knitting has helped me cope with the disappointments throughout the previous months. It has allowed me to clear my head so I can begin again.

A few weeks ago, I was put on a waitlist for grad school. Once again I’m waiting and nerve-racked. Instead of eating like crazy I’m going to knit. I’m hoping this will be a place I can work through those anxieties with my knitting.